Today I had a follow-up appointment with the Reading Clinic in regards to my daughter’s recent evaluation. I walked in not knowing what they were going to tell me, but resolved to the fact that I was ready to get to the bottom of the issue. Even being confident there was a problem, it still hurt to hear someone actually say it.
It hurts to know that my baby will struggle and there’s no magic potion to make it go away.
As I sat in the meeting, discussing the strong and weak points of my daughter, her personality and academics, I was overwhelmed with the reality that my baby is growing up.
I know that sounds so cliché, but it’s happening more and more lately. I’m simply not ready to accept it.
Last week, my oldest came to me with a frown and said, “mom, you never told me yes or no for the talent show and auditions are today. I’m too late!” He was right, I hadn’t given him a direct answer to the talent show for several reasons. One being my husband and I are leaving for vacation in a few weeks and I didn’t want something else on the calendar. Although that was a large part of my hesitancy, I harbored another reason that I dread even voicing out loud.
You see, he wanted to be a ventriloquist with his stuffed dragon. He was going to tell jokes and although we all giggle and are entertained in the confines of our own home, I wasn’t ready to put my baby on a stage for others’ judgement. Again, I was overwhelmed with the reality that my baby is growing up.
I’m simply not ready to accept it.
Unfortunately, it’s not mine to accept or deny. It’s reality and I must let go of my own insecurities, anxieties and worry and let them fly.
I must let them fly.
I must trust that I’ve instilled the needed values and strength to get them through the rocky moments. I must trust in the people I’ve surrounded my family with, those in our school, our family and our circle of friends. I must trust in the One who gifted me these precious babies to begin with.
I must trust and let them fly.
It’s so hard though! It’s difficult to believe they’re old enough, mature enough, stable enough to go on without me. I mean my oldest is only nine and I’m struggling with things like the talent show. I’ve got to pull it together before he’s nineteen and driving or going off to college.
I see mothers every day who have survived talent shows, driving and college, but in this moment I’m simply not sure I can do it. Please excuse me while I re-swaddle my babies and lock them in their rooms.
Letting them fly is so much easier in theory than in practice.
Lord, help me!